Tadaaa , i just graduated .... all praise to the most High . The journey finally find its end point . I've got into a point where a lot of emotion came up before i went to Seri Iskandar . Hell yeah of course the sad one came first . But after all it went well but not real fine . Just glad my parents can show up at that time .
I told them for like 3 month before the event and hoping that they can say the best line like ' wow cant wait / of course im gonna be there / sure all of us will ' but no . It makes me cry a river when my ayah say 'alah diploma je , tak dekan pun pointer pun cukup makan , kursus pun tak professional ' i felt so disappointed on that vary moment its feel like my surrounding become gloomy all of sudden. I though after all my hard work keeping all those shit together will make them at least smile . but hell no , it will cost more to get credit even when credit is do yes i know that he's not press n charge but whats more that he wanted me to be . I was born different than my siblings , i wasnt create by God to be just like all of them , even my up and down i take it on my own they dont know my struggle rose above to get that 'tahniah abir ayah/ibu sayang' oh pretty please can i get some of that i need that .
Then ayah called tell me that ' ayah might not come(grad day) hahaha' how funny it was making me cries a lot . All of my friend kept asking who's among my fam gonna come i just hmmm guys no one probably come . Then i kept looking for hotel then you gave me myr160 for that i know it wasnt enough . So i ask ateh for some help n zaki tell that he's gonna find out some room for ayah ibu ateh too . So i can focus on my life here after ateh say that Zaki found that hotel . 3 days before ill be going to Perak ateh told that Zaki could'nt find any room for 4 . hmm it wass pretty shitty when it come to last minute thing and ateh say she could'nt make it as her cuti is not approved yet . I was in tear when she call me but i try to say that it was oka . End call i went to take a bath for about an hour . yeah i cannot lah i cried a river . damn it i kept crying in the blanket i thought no know coz it just tear no other sound came out but Fatin heard my conversation with ateh so she started to whatsapp me asking if im okay because she knew , she want to help me out , but i say that it was okay im gonna managed it on the next day .
I kept looking for a room for them , hotels, homestay anything . but all booked . it was sad yes it was really sad . But at time , i think about one of my friend i called him Iman his dad passed away on the last semester of diploma and just a couple month after that his mom passed away . He is a strong man. So i say to myself that in this world it wasnt just me who's in this situation so i gotta be like iman.
i got sad even more as we arrived at the homestay . all of their parents and family gonna come . they have a perfect preparation , new baju kurung new kasut new bag . i got good ol thing to wear . hmmmm .
Luckily ateh called on a day before the grad day saying that they gonna come . Yup in the middle of the night Zaki drove em to Perak . as they arrive they are not really happy with 4 hor driveaway to Seri Iskandar . I have to cheer them up walaupun hati dah remuk masa tu . Layankan je ayah cakap ' ayah fikir ni kali pertama kau konvo je ayah datang' lain kali tak payah datang je lah kalau tak ikhlas aku je rasa beriya nak ada mak ayah in a picture . sedih sangat mak ayah orang lain cakap ' mama abah bangga dengan awak ' mak ayah aku just tak sabar nak habis event nak balik rumah .
Gambar Konvo dalam studio dgn backdrop library pun tiadaa hahaha edit sendiri . dahla nampak tak real
Im not a bit jealousy to others im super jealous and super duper sad when i can see all my friends were treated nicely by their family . Because im too far to have that on that precious day .
After the ceremony end , all of the students meets their friend , taking photo with family and friend . I did not meet all of my friend but at least i met Fatin n her classmate and Hanis . Then with a heavy feeling i left them as my dad want to leave as soon as the event ends . I sent the robe alone walking with a mix feeling to Annex 2 . It was sad because i planned to meet all of my classmate just to say bye and sorry but i dont have the opportunity to do that .
Till then my graduation photp are still in the postage bag without any frame because i dont want to hang it as it is not on the same level as the other two framed graduation photo of ateh and ayoi who is successfully graduated with good pointer and of course in a good courses .
I wish on my second graduation i mean for my degree i just want to celebrate with my friends because it is so much hurt hoping on someone who are not doing it for me with all their heart .
Ayah will never like me the way he like ayoi and ateh for good reason he will compare them with me. Ibu has nothing to do with me because she always hate me the most just like ayah hate me , she just impressed with my neighbor's son . Along and abang haris never have free time for people like me
( stupid & boyish ) and never had enough money to come and visit . Angah was never have a good ship with me but she is okay didnt say much about my education . Abang always hate me , omg he hate me just hate im just a huge burden . Ateh is now married to Zaki im just Adik . Ayoi always become a catalyst for my dad and my mum to almost kill me , she is bad , she always something bad about me to my mum n my dad that i cant get it right because they have trust issues on me , they trust her so much . i hate her because ayah always compare me with her .
Beyond this tears i shall not live actually .
I shall live in a world called dream .
Because this Earth got no love and respect .
I told them for like 3 month before the event and hoping that they can say the best line like ' wow cant wait / of course im gonna be there / sure all of us will ' but no . It makes me cry a river when my ayah say 'alah diploma je , tak dekan pun pointer pun cukup makan , kursus pun tak professional ' i felt so disappointed on that vary moment its feel like my surrounding become gloomy all of sudden. I though after all my hard work keeping all those shit together will make them at least smile . but hell no , it will cost more to get credit even when credit is do yes i know that he's not press n charge but whats more that he wanted me to be . I was born different than my siblings , i wasnt create by God to be just like all of them , even my up and down i take it on my own they dont know my struggle rose above to get that 'tahniah abir ayah/ibu sayang' oh pretty please can i get some of that i need that .
Then ayah called tell me that ' ayah might not come(grad day) hahaha' how funny it was making me cries a lot . All of my friend kept asking who's among my fam gonna come i just hmmm guys no one probably come . Then i kept looking for hotel then you gave me myr160 for that i know it wasnt enough . So i ask ateh for some help n zaki tell that he's gonna find out some room for ayah ibu ateh too . So i can focus on my life here after ateh say that Zaki found that hotel . 3 days before ill be going to Perak ateh told that Zaki could'nt find any room for 4 . hmm it wass pretty shitty when it come to last minute thing and ateh say she could'nt make it as her cuti is not approved yet . I was in tear when she call me but i try to say that it was oka . End call i went to take a bath for about an hour . yeah i cannot lah i cried a river . damn it i kept crying in the blanket i thought no know coz it just tear no other sound came out but Fatin heard my conversation with ateh so she started to whatsapp me asking if im okay because she knew , she want to help me out , but i say that it was okay im gonna managed it on the next day .
I kept looking for a room for them , hotels, homestay anything . but all booked . it was sad yes it was really sad . But at time , i think about one of my friend i called him Iman his dad passed away on the last semester of diploma and just a couple month after that his mom passed away . He is a strong man. So i say to myself that in this world it wasnt just me who's in this situation so i gotta be like iman.
i got sad even more as we arrived at the homestay . all of their parents and family gonna come . they have a perfect preparation , new baju kurung new kasut new bag . i got good ol thing to wear . hmmmm .
Luckily ateh called on a day before the grad day saying that they gonna come . Yup in the middle of the night Zaki drove em to Perak . as they arrive they are not really happy with 4 hor driveaway to Seri Iskandar . I have to cheer them up walaupun hati dah remuk masa tu . Layankan je ayah cakap ' ayah fikir ni kali pertama kau konvo je ayah datang' lain kali tak payah datang je lah kalau tak ikhlas aku je rasa beriya nak ada mak ayah in a picture . sedih sangat mak ayah orang lain cakap ' mama abah bangga dengan awak ' mak ayah aku just tak sabar nak habis event nak balik rumah .
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| Flower bouquet ni ateh buat sebab ayah taknak belikan sebab dia cakap aku tak suka bunga tapi sebenarnya aku nak je . |
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| Ni Fatin Kawan paling sabar dengan kenal dari MDS Sem 1 Dip . Kawan susah senang , tempat mengadu kawan menyembang kawan sebilik secara haram hahahaha |
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| Yang tengah tu Hanis Sem 4 dia la kawan aku satu satunya dekat kelas . |
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| Fatin n Family Abir n Family . Biasa orang bawak jodoh jumpa mak ayah aku dengan atin lain . tp kami lain tp jgn risau kami kawan saja bukan ehem2 |
Im not a bit jealousy to others im super jealous and super duper sad when i can see all my friends were treated nicely by their family . Because im too far to have that on that precious day .
After the ceremony end , all of the students meets their friend , taking photo with family and friend . I did not meet all of my friend but at least i met Fatin n her classmate and Hanis . Then with a heavy feeling i left them as my dad want to leave as soon as the event ends . I sent the robe alone walking with a mix feeling to Annex 2 . It was sad because i planned to meet all of my classmate just to say bye and sorry but i dont have the opportunity to do that .
Till then my graduation photp are still in the postage bag without any frame because i dont want to hang it as it is not on the same level as the other two framed graduation photo of ateh and ayoi who is successfully graduated with good pointer and of course in a good courses .
I wish on my second graduation i mean for my degree i just want to celebrate with my friends because it is so much hurt hoping on someone who are not doing it for me with all their heart .
Ayah will never like me the way he like ayoi and ateh for good reason he will compare them with me. Ibu has nothing to do with me because she always hate me the most just like ayah hate me , she just impressed with my neighbor's son . Along and abang haris never have free time for people like me
( stupid & boyish ) and never had enough money to come and visit . Angah was never have a good ship with me but she is okay didnt say much about my education . Abang always hate me , omg he hate me just hate im just a huge burden . Ateh is now married to Zaki im just Adik . Ayoi always become a catalyst for my dad and my mum to almost kill me , she is bad , she always something bad about me to my mum n my dad that i cant get it right because they have trust issues on me , they trust her so much . i hate her because ayah always compare me with her .
Beyond this tears i shall not live actually .
I shall live in a world called dream .
Because this Earth got no love and respect .
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